‘This isn’t living. It’s existing.’

Aasmund Ryningen
3 min readSep 30, 2020


Where ‘This’ refers to chronic pain.

Or rather, living with it.

Which is totally understandable. Do you ever walk mindlessly around, impatiently waiting for the next flare up of massive pain to start so that you at least have gotten that out of the way for the day? Do you walk around, planning on what to say and how to say it, when you know you have to let people you know, down? Because you cannot commit to whatever activity or thing they’re doing?

Doesn’t that make you feel worthless?

Like some sort of B level person?

Of course it does.

In many ways, chronic pain disorders is like a double penalty. First off, you have the pain itself which is next to unbearable. It hurts so much and you don’t know what to do, to stop it. Oh sure, you’ve tried losing weight, eating vegetables and go for long power walks. Or thinking positive thoughts. Meditating. Mindfulness. Or as a pundit I saw elsewhere so eloquently referred to it, ‘mindless meditating’. You’ve listened to all the ‘think positive’ people who haven’t experienced what you’re going through.

But it doesn’t help.

However, I’m losing focus.

One thing was the pain itself.

But something far more serious, as a consequence of the pain you’re going through is the condemnation, mocking and scorn you face from your family and friends.

You know, people who gossip and make passive-aggressive comments like ‘Oh, of course you had to cancel our date again, as you ALWAYS do.’ or ‘Why am I never surprised that you’re backing out. It’s like you don’t want to participate in any fun activities. I’m starting to believe you love that bedroom of yours more than you love my company.’

A BIG sigh.

You know it’s not true.

I know it’s not true.

Other people out there who suffer from the same kind of punishment like you do, also know that it isn’t true. You’re simply not preferring your bedroom or your daily pain over the company of someone else. Of course not. How in the world could someone prefer misery over joy?

But, you’ve tried it so many times.

Engaged in playful activities. You’ve tried hiking. Or playing football. Or throwing darts. Going skating. Dancing. Even just joining someone for a cup of coffee at a cafe.

Just for a few minutes.

But it never turns out well. You have to plan for everything. What clothes you’re going to wear that doesn’t cause you pain. How far away the nearest restroom is going to be in case you have to go pee. How you’re quickly going to be able to go home in case you get a severe flare attack when you’re going out. What kind of lie or excuse you’re gonna have to pull as an exit strategy. Or whether you’re supposed to tell the truth.

And so many other things.

There are so many things other people who don’t have these chronic pain illnesses don’t UNDERSTAND.

If only they knew.

How it feels to walk around like zombie.

Like a shell of a human being.

The bad news is, I cannot possibly begin to offer you any advice on how to deal with people like that. In my opinion, you’re best off doing whatever you can to relieve yourself from your pain problems and see whom sticks around and whom does not.

Those who stick around are your true friends.

My two cents.

However, what I CAN possibly offer is a suggested solution that people return to again and again and again.

Might have something to do with the fact that it’s fairly cheap, combined to a regular lab drug, it doesn’t contain any side effects and you don’t need a prescription to buy it.

Certainly not at least to my knowledge.

And what do you know, people actually say it’s working for them and that they’re getting rid of their pain problems.

So I guess there has to be something to CBD oil, right?